On Being Parents of Two

We're only a couple of weeks into this parenting two thing, but I have to say, we're happily surprised at how smooth this transition has been. Part of it, I think, is just the confidence of having done this before and knowing that our first child has survived (so far!) and thrived. So, there's none of the worry about the little things like there was last time.

We're doing many things differently this time around. We don't look at the clock to decide if Nora needs to eat; instead, we just pay attention to how she's acting and she nurses no matter how long it's been since the last time. None of that "baby should be eating every three hours" silliness, and no writing it all down. (Did we really write down every single feeding and diaper change last time?!) This is especially helpful at night; with AJ, we had him in a pack-n-play bassinet next to our bed, and we'd both wake up every time he did. This time, Nora sleeps in our bed and I (barely) wake up whenever she needs me. I am so much more rested than I anticipated, and it is wonderful. I'm guessing she wakes up every 2.5-3.5 hours, but honestly, that's a really wild guess and I actually don't have a clue. And really, I hope to keep it that way.

As for keeping the balance between the mister and the miss, we've been trying to keep things as similar as we can to how they were before Nora was born. For us, that means not using the TV or anything as a means of occupying his attention, making sure we make time to go outside and to the park, reading together, cooking together, etc. We've been trying to make sure he's really getting our attention, eye contact and all, without overcompensating for his having to share us now. The hardest thing, I think, is keeping our language in check; we really don't want to "blame" the baby for things, as in "I can't play with you right now because Nora needs..." That, I'm finding, is much easier said than done. I've been trying to say things like "When you were a baby, I had to hold you when you were fussing, too. Now I have to do the same thing for baby Nora." I'm not sure how much more effective that will be, but for now that's the best I've come up with.

Not getting overly frustrated with our boy has been the other struggle recently. I feel like the quality of our parenting decreased right after Nora was born; fortunately, we recognized it pretty quickly - although not before the negative effects of it were already evident. Once we noticed it, though, it was pretty easy to keep our commitment to change in the forefront of our minds. I think that seeing the cause and effect so clearly - his behavior deteriorated more as our responses became less kind - has made it easier to stay focused on parenting in love, no matter what. I wish that it came naturally and didn't feel like we're swimming upstream at times, but the reality is, it's hard sometimes. I've been praying a lot for patience and love and perspective that I know I just can't cultivate on my own. Thank goodness we're not alone in this and there's Someone whose grace is sufficient to cover all of our shortcomings.

In spite of any difficulties, we know we are so blessed to spend our days with these two sweet kiddos. I can't wait to see how our family dynamic evolves over the coming weeks and months, and I hope we can remember to be grateful for each other in every moment, even - and especially - the tough ones.